I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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