I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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