Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
