she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Come share oat with me in your robe
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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