There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize