i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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