I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
