Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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