If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
