I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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