I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
