Sry I called you an 8
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
