I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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