I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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