Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
