I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
