I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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