just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
