i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Randomize
