hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
