It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
