Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
