Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize