my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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