Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize