you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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