Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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