So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
