Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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