So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I touched a dick in church today
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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