another moral hangover. fuck.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
