I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
