Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
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