Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
