Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
