reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
