Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
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