i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
