I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
