Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
