life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize