the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
