oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
