last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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