When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
People in love make me want to vomit
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
