Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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