either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize