Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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