Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
