I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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