Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
