I swear she didn't look like that last week.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Randomize
