she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
