I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
