the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
