Fuck appropriateness.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
