so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
