if you like me you must not know who I am
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
