home. puking in laundry basket.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize