just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
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