did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
They have beer where we have blood.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
