I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
