So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
