And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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