You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I supernannyed him into submission
Randomize
