He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
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