i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
